Folk, Florence. “Case Studies, Alone without Loneliness; discovering the satisfactions of single-womanhood.”
Florence Folks shares several statistics concerning single women: “More women may be living alone today than at any time in human history. Fifty-one percent of women live without spouses. A quarter of adult American women have never married. The percentage of divorced or separated women has tripled since 1950. Nearly 12 million women are widows”.
Regardless if you are single, in a relationship, separated, divorced… or married, you will probably be faced with being alone at some moment in time. I am happily married, but I’ve spent 3/4 of my marriage “alone”. Alone simply means “apart from”. As a Marine wife, I have to endure being separated from my spouse pretty often. Some ask “How do you do it?” and “Why do you do it?” I do it because I love my husband and our marriage is worth the sacrifice of being apart. I am able to get through it because I’m not frightened by being alone and I’m at peace with who I am. It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss my husband… I do, every minute of every day. I have simply chosen to embrace solitude rather than to fear it.
Between the ages 18 to 20, I struggled with feeling “lonely”. What’s the difference between aloneness and loneliness? Loneliness is the sense of loss. This sense of loss does not have to involve another person; it could be the loss of oneself. When a woman is faced with solitude, she is in the presence of only herself. Isolation is extremely uncomfortable for many American women. Yet, women who are alone, are “not only capable of surviving, they are capable of thriving”.
Women dream of finding their “other half” and if they fail to do so or if they lose that sort of companionship, many feel like less of a person… like they aren’t good enough. Why? Our society has embedded in women that we are only half of a whole. We are “culturally programmed to think that if we were better, more successful women, we wouldn’t be alone”. No matter how successful, intelligent, and beautiful women may be, “many harbor vestiges of shame and self doubt”, of which may not surface until they are forced into aloneness.
“As women, we feel ashamed because we are always being told we’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, “feminine” enough, or, contradictorily “tough” enough”. Honestly, when will enough be enough? When will women begin to feel satisfied with who they are? These shameful feelings of inadequacy are toxic to one’s well-being and relationships with others. As women, we need to stop letting others define who we are and should be. Is it realistic to think that we can please everybody anyhow? No one should become a slave to satisfying everyone else but themselves. A failed relationship does not necessarily indicate that you have failed as a person.
Women don’t have to remain in a state of emotional bondage. Creating personal harmony is as simple as taking time to discover one’s own expectations. Even though it may seem intimidating at first, seclusion can be incredibly valuable to one’s sense of self. A confident woman is the most attractive woman. It doesn’t mean that she is “perfect”; it simply means that she is perfectly content with who she is. Once a woman can rise above her so called “weaknesses” and “shortcomings”, those around her will become more comfortable in her presence. It is important for us all to establish our own self worth… because being alone doesn’t have to feel so lonely.
Florence Folks shares several statistics concerning single women: “More women may be living alone today than at any time in human history. Fifty-one percent of women live without spouses. A quarter of adult American women have never married. The percentage of divorced or separated women has tripled since 1950. Nearly 12 million women are widows”.
Regardless if you are single, in a relationship, separated, divorced… or married, you will probably be faced with being alone at some moment in time. I am happily married, but I’ve spent 3/4 of my marriage “alone”. Alone simply means “apart from”. As a Marine wife, I have to endure being separated from my spouse pretty often. Some ask “How do you do it?” and “Why do you do it?” I do it because I love my husband and our marriage is worth the sacrifice of being apart. I am able to get through it because I’m not frightened by being alone and I’m at peace with who I am. It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss my husband… I do, every minute of every day. I have simply chosen to embrace solitude rather than to fear it.
Between the ages 18 to 20, I struggled with feeling “lonely”. What’s the difference between aloneness and loneliness? Loneliness is the sense of loss. This sense of loss does not have to involve another person; it could be the loss of oneself. When a woman is faced with solitude, she is in the presence of only herself. Isolation is extremely uncomfortable for many American women. Yet, women who are alone, are “not only capable of surviving, they are capable of thriving”.
Women dream of finding their “other half” and if they fail to do so or if they lose that sort of companionship, many feel like less of a person… like they aren’t good enough. Why? Our society has embedded in women that we are only half of a whole. We are “culturally programmed to think that if we were better, more successful women, we wouldn’t be alone”. No matter how successful, intelligent, and beautiful women may be, “many harbor vestiges of shame and self doubt”, of which may not surface until they are forced into aloneness.
“As women, we feel ashamed because we are always being told we’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, “feminine” enough, or, contradictorily “tough” enough”. Honestly, when will enough be enough? When will women begin to feel satisfied with who they are? These shameful feelings of inadequacy are toxic to one’s well-being and relationships with others. As women, we need to stop letting others define who we are and should be. Is it realistic to think that we can please everybody anyhow? No one should become a slave to satisfying everyone else but themselves. A failed relationship does not necessarily indicate that you have failed as a person.
Women don’t have to remain in a state of emotional bondage. Creating personal harmony is as simple as taking time to discover one’s own expectations. Even though it may seem intimidating at first, seclusion can be incredibly valuable to one’s sense of self. A confident woman is the most attractive woman. It doesn’t mean that she is “perfect”; it simply means that she is perfectly content with who she is. Once a woman can rise above her so called “weaknesses” and “shortcomings”, those around her will become more comfortable in her presence. It is important for us all to establish our own self worth… because being alone doesn’t have to feel so lonely.
Enjoying his cupcake!
4 1/2 Months
